Last weekend, a kitten was screaming outside my window. Crying into the night for her mother. Calling endlessly.
I (along with many neighbors) attempted to coax her out of the car undercarriage where she was hiding, terrified. But there were too many people; too many car noises.
And so I came back at 5 a.m. No people, few cars. Just me laying on the pavement with a bowl of shredded chicken and a phone loaded up with kitten noises.
She stepped gingerly down. She eventually took some chicken from my fingers. And after some patience, I caught her. Took her home. Got rid of the fleas. The car gunk. The intestinal parasites.
Each day, she attempts to suckle on the inside of my elbow, comforted by the idea that I’m her mom.
Each day, I watch her put weight onto her underfed frame and I coax her into bravery.
Each day, she borrows that courage from me, follows me to a new room, explores a new thing, and then falls asleep in my lap where she can feel safe.
I cannot help but compare our connection to my journeys into polyamory and domination.
Polyamory because just like my partners, this kitten is free. She can sleep anywhere she chooses, but she chooses my lap. And I’m happy for her when she gets the courage to choose a spot beside the dog or another lap.
I do not try to own her. I do not have to force my will. I simply offer my courage, my support, my strength, and she turns toward the comfort of it.
It’s the same way I approach D/s dynamics. I am not giving orders; my presence is the control. My courage, my strength, are what draws them in. I am an owner, a mistress, a goddess because my pets, my subs, my worshippers choose me. And they choose me daily. There are other laps. Other deities. Other mistresses. Other lovers.
And I make no effort to keep my subs, my foster kitten, my partners from those things.
You are here because you want to be here. I am here because I want to be here.
To me, that is true connection, true power. You do not stay because you have to. Because of a contract or a commitment or having only one option.
You stay because you want. To make me proud. To make me smile. To rest in my capable hands. To become better. To connect.