As a confident, traditionally attractive woman, my whole life I’ve gotten attention everywhere I went—most of it unwanted.
Men lick their lips when I walk past them on the street. They make excuses to talk to me when I’m trying to mind my business. They find my phone number in group threads and text me without consent.
More extreme, they stalk me. They block my path so that I cannot leave. They touch me without permission.
And they force me, in those moments, to put them in their place. To assert my boundaries, often firmly. To – in short – expend energy I did not agree to expend.
The power systems out in the world are entirely in their favor. And reversing that power in every interaction takes energy, time, and space from my life.
I do it and I will continue to do it, but it is not something I choose. It is something the world demands from me. To become their villain by asserting boundaries, by refusing to stay silent, by standing in my power.
Which is part of why femdom and findom are so centering, powerful, and delicious to me.
Not because they are the only places I assert my power but because they are where I choose to assert it and it is appreciated instead of demonized.
My power in this space is begged for. It’s sought after. It’s valued. It’s recognized. It’s rewarded.
Not as something handed to me. But as something I built, I maintain, I wield.
Outside this space, I wield it like a weapon. Inside this space, I bestow it like a gift. I use it not to harm but to hold.
To hold your submission. Your truths. Your fantasies. Your secrets. Your darkness and mine.
Here, my power is fully mine, fully realized. My beauty, too.
Here, it is not yours to demand; it’s mine to give – or more usually, to withhold.
You will not touch me. You cannot touch me. I do not have to stop you. I do not have to place you underneath my boot.
You climb under and beg for the pressure. For the pleasure or pain I choose to give you.
Outside, I put men in their place because they force me to. Like a mosquito in my ear.
But not here.
Here, when I expend energy or give attention, it is because I want to. Because you have submitted, exchanged some of the power society handed you, acknowledged that that power never should have been yours in the first place, submitted to the power I have cultivated despite all of society’s efforts to crush it.
That is the power you long for. The one that comes from love, not hate. The one that comes from acting, not reacting.
The one that pulls you in like moth to flame, lets you know you can trust the boot you place your face under. It will only crush you as much as you want to be crushed. It will only push you as much as you need to be pushed.