Hey there, kitten, it\u2019s time for another chat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Curl up here on my lap and feel my hand warm and steady on your back. Because today we need to talk about your finances.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Not in a super sexy way (though that\u2019s normally what finances do for me). But in a peeling-back-the-curtain way. In a way that asks you to take off the horny glasses for a second and think big picture with me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019m seeing a lot of you come into findom spaces lately looking for something that sounds very cute and hot on first glance:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Friendzone dynamics. GFE. \u201cI want to get to know you as a person.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Seems like green flags all the way down.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Until we scroll down to the budget.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
$50 a month.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
$100 a month.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
$150 a month.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Now, before you get preemptively upset because perhaps to you that feels like a lot, let me pause and say that $50, $100, $150, an occasional coffee send are valid. I\u2019m not writing this to say it\u2019s six figures or bust. But what I am saying is that we need to do some math and then talk about power<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Stay with me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Let\u2019s think about the typical GFE or friendzone dynamic. Most people want near-daily chats. So let\u2019s say, on the low-end of expectations, that\u2019s 20 minutes a day that your domme devotes to you. Average 30-day month takes us to 10 hours.<\/p>\n\n\n\n $50 a month means she\u2019s making $5 per hour for that time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n $150 takes that to $15 an hour.<\/p>\n\n\n\n That\u2019s not even factoring in the time she spends marketing herself, any time she spent on photos she might send you, any time she spends planning games, etc.<\/p>\n\n\n\n That first number is well and truly less than minimum wage. That second number, still less than minimum wage in most places.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Which is why I need you to hear me when I say: no matter how generous you<\/strong> feel<\/strong><\/em>,<\/strong> she<\/strong><\/em> is actually the one being extremely generous.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n And maybe that strokes your ego, kitten. Because having a woman want to play with you without real financial compensation feels good.<\/p>\n\n\n\n But what it doesn\u2019t do is this: empower her<\/em>. What it isn\u2019t is this: financial power exchange<\/em>.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n When you buy yourself a cup of coffee or a computer or tickets to Paris, you aren\u2019t giving up your power. You\u2019re completing a transaction. When you send her money and expect your 10 hours, that\u2019s also a transaction. Feeling a rush because the transaction is taboo isn\u2019t the same as actually putting down your power.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I can feel the despair from some of you right now, so let me say again: $50, $100, even coffee\u2014these are perfectly acceptable amounts.You can worship and serve and admire and adore and submit yourself to women without having a giant budget.<\/p>\n\n\n\n But<\/strong><\/u><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Only when you let go of those 10 hours.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Only if you kill that entitlement part in its tracks.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The truth: nobody feels empowered in a minimum wage job.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Nobody feels empowered by your entitlement.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Nobody feels empowered when you devalue their labor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n (And yes, asking a woman to dominate you, manage your emotions, direct your life, tease you, prioritize you, and set aside daily time for you is<\/em> labor. If that hurts your ego, good<\/em>. Ego is bad for you, kitten. Kick it again for me.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n If what you really want is to empower her<\/strong> (I\u2019m not talking to the rest of y\u2019all. Go chew a bar of soap or something.), it\u2019s time to acknowledge these realities.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The kind of findom that empowers, that dominates, that gives her space to play, to feel appreciated, to feel worshipped\u2014that requires less expecations on your part and an acknowledgement of what her time is worth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n This doesn\u2019t mean she won\u2019t ever choose to play with you because she wants to. It doesn\u2019t mean she won\u2019t ever get to know about you or care about you or understand you. This is really what most of y\u2019all are afraid of losing\u2014and what you haven\u2019t realized yet is that giving up the entitlement is what makes this real<\/em>. (There\u2019s a reason it feels unsatisfying when you\u2019ve coerced her into devaluing her time.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n It also doesn\u2019t mean you won\u2019t find desperate people who will give you the transaction you\u2019re seeking. Nobody\u2019s saying you can\u2019t find a GFE for cheap.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It does<\/em> mean that if what you are craving is power exchange<\/em>, it requires you to release your iron grip on those 10 hours, those expectations, that entitlement and actually sacrifice your power to empower her.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n I\u2019m (obviously) not talking about lifestyle dynamics or free play between consenting parties.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I\u2019m talking about the fact that many of you aren\u2019t here because the power exchange turns you on. You are here because you want to buy a woman\u2019s attention. And you think that attention should be cheap. You still want to dictate terms. You still want to control even as you cosplay letting go of control.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I still remember the man who lost his mind when I suggested he pay his dommes the same hourly rate he made at his job.<\/p>\n\n\n\n That man promptly lost his mind.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Because the truth was that he didn\u2019t value their time as much as his<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n And he didn\u2019t have to. Nobody was going to hold a gun to his head and force him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n But you can\u2019t claim female supremacy when you still believe your time is more valuable than hers. You can\u2019t claim power exchange when you are transacting 10 minutes of your time for an hour of hers. You can\u2019t crow about how her time is more valuable than yours when you won\u2019t even pay her equal to what you earn.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you are having a big, scary ah-ha moment, good. Sit with it. Crush that ego further. Stomp on it for me and then spit on it for good measure.<\/p>\n\n\n\n In short: cosplaying as a submissive while still believing that her time is less valuable than yours or thinking you are \u201cgenerous\u201d for paying her what amounts to $5 per hour is boring. But actually sacrificing\u2014your money, your ego, your entitlement\u2014at the altar of a woman you admire and long to serve? Fucking hot. And if the sacrifice is $5\u2014STILL HOT as long as it doesn\u2019t come with the entitlement part.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Hey there, kitten, it\u2019s time for another chat. Curl up here on my lap and feel my hand warm and steady on your back. 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