There\u2019s a common idea of D\/s as a sort of Puppetmaster\/puppet pairing. The domme holding the strings on the marionette. The sub the dancing bear, moved by her every twitch.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And perhaps there is some validity to this. Perhaps some D\/s connections feel that way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But for me, the dead weight of the dancing bear twitching under my fingers has never been the goal. And those who come to me in the way of hollowed-out puppets don\u2019t get far.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Because the truth about my experience of D\/s is this:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s a dance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
One person makes a move and the other responds, which fuels the creativity of the first.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If you\u2019ve ever done any partner dancing, this is how it goes: there are typically two defined roles. Lead. Follow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
From the outside, it looks as though the lead is directing the dance. Controlling the movements. Simply sweeping the follow along for the ride. And with beginners, this is often the case.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But go deeper and you realize what is really happening is a complex interplay between two parties. Both with agency and creativity, despite having different roles.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A good lead is suggesting (not commanding) movements. They are paying attention to everything that\u2019s going on around them so they don\u2019t steer their follow into another couple or send them spinning too far away. They are paying deep attention to their follow and adjusting their lead to match the follow\u2019s skill and comfort levels. And they are reacting to their follow\u2019s creativity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A good lead doesn\u2019t have a map in their head that must be followed at all costs. They are paying deep attention to the specific follow they are dancing with.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And the follow?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This person isn\u2019t simply following commands.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
They are paying deep, focused attention to their lead\u2019s every move. Following where the slightest shift in a shoulder, hip, or wrist leads them. They are reacting to the lead\u2019s suggestions\u2014often with an enthusiastic yes but sometimes with their own creativity and re-direction.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The best follows sometimes choose to transform the suggestion of a single turn to a double, the suggestion of a turn to the right with a playful turn to the left instead. The follow can add or subtract energy to the dance. They can make movements smoother or sharper. And a good lead will be paying attention and reacting to those shifts too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Perhaps most of all: with an excellent, safe, thoughtful lead, the follow is practicing deep trust<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n They are trusting that if the lead suggests they step backward, they will not lead them into another couple or a wall. They are trusting that the lead will catch them if they lift them off the ground. That the lead knows where they are leading and how to get the follow safely there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n This doesn\u2019t mean the follow isn\u2019t aware of their surroundings. But it does mean a certain type of surrender, trust, and submission<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Not because the follow is lesser. Not because the lead is the authoritarian dictator. But because social (not choreographed) partner dancing in its most beautiful form requires both of these roles to thrive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n My best D\/s connections resonate so deeply with my best dances. The lead\/domme suggests, the follow\/sub responds, adds creativity, sparks new ideas for the lead\/domme. The lead\/domme responds to those new ideas with another suggestion, and so on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I use the word suggestion because a good lead is not a stiff, inescapable cage (which would make for a stiff, uncomfortable, inescapable dance). They are sturdy and confident and capable. They inspire trust. When they move the follow, the follow goes because they want to, because they trust, because of the power and presence and confidence and experience of the lead allow that follow to drop the daily baggage of overthinking, pushing back, second-guessing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The follow can drop the lead\u2019s hand at any time. They can leave the dance. They can stop it. This is not prison; it\u2019s art.<\/p>\n\n\n\n But in a truly good pairing, they don\u2019t drop the hand, leave the dance, stop the flow. Because both have entered their perfect flow state\u2014a state of co-creating a dance that is perfectly, exactly theirs. Not scripted, choreographed, practiced\u2014but connected to and created by each other in that exact moment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I talk a lot about co-creation between domme and sub because that has been my journey. That is the type of dynamic that lights me up. It\u2019s why I ask my subs to communicate clearly, to hand me their ideas, their buttons, their fantasies, to participate in the co-creation of a dynamic that is distinctly ours<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Just like a dance, we are working with a lot of pre-existing components. In the dance, these are steps and moves, turns and kicks, etc. In a dynamic, perhaps it\u2019s kinks and norms. And in both cases, the outcome isn\u2019t formula\u2014it\u2019s creative freedom.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Some subs worry about sharing their kinks, afraid that dommes will cater to them instead of doing what we love. But I am not your puppetmaster, forcing every puppet into the same script. I am a dancer, your lead, inviting you to a space of co-creation, connection, and evolution.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" There\u2019s a common idea of D\/s as a sort of Puppetmaster\/puppet pairing. The domme holding the strings on the marionette. The sub the dancing bear,…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-351","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-findom"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/yourgoddesspandora.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/351","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/yourgoddesspandora.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/yourgoddesspandora.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yourgoddesspandora.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yourgoddesspandora.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=351"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/yourgoddesspandora.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/351\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":352,"href":"https:\/\/yourgoddesspandora.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/351\/revisions\/352"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/yourgoddesspandora.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=351"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yourgoddesspandora.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=351"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yourgoddesspandora.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=351"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}