Greedy. Selfish. Bitch.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Three words used so often to shame women for having needs, having boundaries, wanting more.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Three words that mean: shut up.<\/em> That mean: take it.<\/em> That mean: be grateful for the crumbs that society thinks you deserve.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n A sub asked me this week why I used the word greedy to describe myself in a session. Why choose an ugly word? Why choose a word that seems so at odds with the type of person I am? Why would I\u2014feminist, anarchist, generous, fiercely caring\u2014use that word?<\/p>\n\n\n\n I answered his question and it inspired me to answer your unasked one:<\/p>\n\n\n\n There are words that I am here to unapologetically reclaim. <\/em>Language our society uses to chastize women, to force us back into \u201cour place.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n I own that word precisely because it makes you stop and think and question. I own that word because owning it forces us to lay bare what people are really saying when they use it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Greedy, in simplest terms, means wanting more than your share. But what is my share?<\/em> Too often, the word is used to try and force me to ask for less when what most women (myself included) need to do is ask for more<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n So I refuse. I refuse to ask for less. I embrace the accusation. I take your barb and put it in my bio.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Because yes, I want more<\/em>. More than the world has tried to offer me in so many ways. More money, more respect, more voice, more power.<\/p>\n\n\n\n When I say greedy, I don\u2019t mean that I\u2019m hoarding wealth. I mean that I will take and I will take unapologetically. Not because I need more than my share, but because I refuse to believe that my share is less than men\u2019s.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I refuse to accept that my share is less money per hour than male counterparts. I refuse to accept that my share is spending more money on the same products (look up: pink tax). I refuse to accept that my share is footing the bill on beauty products, birth control, and safe sex\u2014or being the one to be crushed under the weight of the consequences of not footing those bills. You see, I\u2019m greedy<\/em> like that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n In our society, money is power. Having money means maintaining power. I don\u2019t even mean over others: I mean over my self<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I mean that because I did well in my vanilla career, I was able to quit when my industry\u2019s ethics stopped matching my own. My fuck-you money was actually save-my-soul money.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I mean that my money has let me create art that changed people\u2019s lives. My fuck-you money was I-see-you money.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I mean that because I expect more from the men around me, I have better men around me. The shit ones leave. My fuck-that attitude is actually save-me attitude.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Power can be used to fuck someone over and that\u2019s the vision society has handed us because we\u2019ve watched the men in charge suck everyone else dry\u2014but it\u2019s not the whole story of power or money.<\/p>\n\n\n\n P<\/em>ower can also be used to save yourself.<\/em> Power can save others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n And that\u2019s part of the point in flipping these scripts, in femdom and findom\u2014when the traditionally disempowered in society are given power, the first power we gain is this:<\/p>\n\n\n\n The power to say no<\/em>. To being exploited. And to participating in exploitation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n No, I will not do something that feels demeaning to me. No, I will not keep working with companies that are actively exploiting others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n That power means I get to be the person I want to be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n That money<\/em> means I get to be the person I want to be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n There\u2019s a certain type of man\u2014a certain type of person\u2014who uses the word greedy to demand that women (and other marginalized groups) ask for less.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Fuck. That.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I embrace the word because I will always ask for more<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Not just more money and more empowerment for me and those I love. But also more from men. Higher standards. Better behavior. Real, challenging personal growth. I refuse to baby men the way society loves to. That\u2019s not respect; it\u2019s infantilization.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I expect more<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Like a greedy, selfish bitch, it seems.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Greedy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Selfish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Bitch.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Why yes, thank you, I am.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Now go do those pushups and send for that bitch\u2019s lunch.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Greedy. Selfish. Bitch. Three words used so often to shame women for having needs, having boundaries, wanting more. Three words that mean: shut up. 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I refuse to accept that my share is carrying more mental load, more emotional labor, more housework, more, more, more.<\/p>\n\n\n\n