\u201cI want to weaponize my kink against myself to become a better person.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It was an early message from someone I\u2019ve been playing with for a few weeks now. He knew he was into findom, feet, girls who are just a little mean to him. And in the past it\u2019d just been another thing that he felt bad about, controlled by. But what if\u2014what if\u2014he could use the reward system his brain responded to to move toward his goals?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He brought his hopes to me like an offering, laid them at my feet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He wasn\u2019t the first and already wasn\u2019t the last. And I fucking love it.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n I love it because it\u2019s how humans work. We seek rewards. We want to feel good. And when we can tie those rewards, that good feeling, to doing good\u2014we do good. Be that good getting in shape, tackling challenging problems, caring for those around us, honing skills, or something else entirely. I don\u2019t know about you, but the kids in my circles did way more<\/em> summer reading when there was pizza involved. Same logic behind getting a lollypop after getting a shot, treating yourself at your favorite pastry place after doing a thing you were avoiding, promising ourselves that once we hit x milestone, we get y thing we\u2019ve been waiting for.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Obviously, it also works with kink. I had a sub tell me it would take him three days to clear out his workout area in the basement. Alright<\/em>, I said. You can\u2019t orgasm until it\u2019s cleaned\u2014and once it\u2019s clean, I\u2019ll send you something special.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n You want to know how fast that man cleaned out his workout space?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Take that three days and make it three hours<\/em>. And three hours of me relentlessly teasing him and trying to slow him down<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n In short: we gamified a task he needed to do. <\/strong>We added challenges, rewards, and a multiplayer element with me trying to slow his progress and teasing him about the pain and suffering my slow-downs were going to cause him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n And the reason we could do that was because we used his desire for kink to move him toward a goal. I also love this approach because it gives us space to love our kinks<\/em>. Instead of something taking our time, holding us back, or keeping us trapped in a shame spiral, they become an active part of bettering ourselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Think about how healing that is. Taking a part of your authenticity (because your kinks are<\/em> part of your authenticity) and embracing it instead of trying to hide it or run from it or hate it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n In the same way that I love<\/em> sweets and I could just beat myself up for that in a society that is obsessed with being anti-sugar and pro-diet culture (ew)\u2014instead I can use sweets to motivate myself. <\/strong>And I can prioritize sweets that leave me feeling really satisfied and delighted (instead of hiding in a corner and stuffing mediocre candy in my mouth in shame, I take the time to make my favorite cookies or walk to the good pastry shop).<\/p>\n\n\n\n In that same way, why can\u2019t we all use our kinks to motivate and then give ourselves real space to enjoy and revel in them? Not as something we sneak away in shame to do real quick\u2014a hate-jerk in a dark alley\u2014but as a treat we\u2019ve earned, the best version of the thing, a playful moment of escape from the mundane, a pop of sugar on the tongue.<\/p>\n\n\n\n That\u2019s it. That\u2019s what I\u2019m getting at here.<\/p>\n\n\n\n A pop of sugar on the tongue.<\/p>\n\n\n\n A twitch in the pants.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The orgasm you\u2019ve been craving.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The bright, heady feeling of being seen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n And all that on the heels of the satisfaction of a goal met, a job well done, a step toward being the human you want to be.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" \u201cI want to weaponize my kink against myself to become a better person.\u201d It was an early message from someone I\u2019ve been playing with for…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-219","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-findom"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/yourgoddesspandora.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/219","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/yourgoddesspandora.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/yourgoddesspandora.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yourgoddesspandora.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yourgoddesspandora.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=219"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/yourgoddesspandora.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/219\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":220,"href":"https:\/\/yourgoddesspandora.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/219\/revisions\/220"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/yourgoddesspandora.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=219"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yourgoddesspandora.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=219"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yourgoddesspandora.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=219"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
Growing up, Pizza Hut had a program called Book It!<\/em> Kids 6th<\/sup> grade and under could get free pizza (huge kid reward \u2013 huge me now reward, if I\u2019m honest) for meeting reading goals. Which meant more reading. Which meant more pizza. Win, win, win, win.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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