I understand why some of you don\u2019t want to. Perhaps you\u2019re afraid it will rule you out of playing. Perhaps it feels too risky, like she\u2019ll push too far if she knows it, will see it as a jumping off point instead of a Stop Sign. Perhaps it\u2019s complicated. You have hard limits and soft ones, a variable budget each month, etc.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
BUT<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Whatever your concerns are, you still need a budget\u2014and you still need to tell your domme<\/strong>. Because\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n 1. You don\u2019t want to be snapped out of sub space.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n You say you will control your own budget limits. You give me no idea of what those area. We get into a scene. I ask for a first send\u2014it\u2019s fine. We get to the second\u2014it\u2019s fine. And then another send\u2014and suddenly, immediately you anxiously shut down. Because we\u2019ve hit your tolerance and I didn\u2019t know it. Or we started getting close and now you\u2019re panicking. Now you feel bad because you can\u2019t send that or you can send that but not the next one and you can tell the game isn\u2019t over.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Suddenly, you\u2019ve been ripped from the fantasy by your own lack of communication. And even with guidance, understanding, and safe words, sometimes you just can\u2019t go back in. The shame punched your boner in the gut and it\u2019s going to take awhile to get its wind back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n While it\u2019s certainly ok to have moments where scenes end suddenly because of someone\u2019s comfort or triggers\u2014in this case it\u2019s easy to avoid if you just set a budget (or a hard and soft budget) ahead of time. If nothing else, it gives the psychological safety to know that I\u2019m not going to go for that fourth send if the third took you to the edge of the budget.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you are saying \u201cI haven\u2019t thought about my budget,\u201d well, go think about it. Now while you still have bloodflow to your brain.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 2. It helps your domme design sessions.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n I love to tease, so when I do a drain, I like to draw it out. If I don\u2019t have your budget ahead of time, I may hit it within 5 minutes or 10 or 15 when I was hoping to toy with you for 30. Now you\u2019re forced (again) out of sub space to tell me it\u2019s too much and I have to scramble for a different plan.<\/p>\n\n\n\n This isn\u2019t just relevant to drains themselves, but also how often you can do sessions, what those sessions are. You don\u2019t want to go crazy for a week and then suddenly be broke for the rest of the month. If your domme knows your limits, she can draw things out, slow things down\u2014even when you\u2019re too horny to do it yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 3. Y\u2019all aren\u2019t great at stopping when you are truly in subspace.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Ethical dommes know this and will push the pause button, tell you not to go over budget, check in, etc. I want you around long-term and thriving\u2014not just drained and anxious a week in.<\/p>\n\n\n\n So please, take a minute: make a budget. And make one that won\u2019t ruin your life. This kink is fun as hell, but it won\u2019t stay fun if you make yourself homeless. And your domme can\u2019t help you if you don\u2019t tell her your budget.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I understand why some of you don\u2019t want to. Perhaps you\u2019re afraid it will rule you out of playing. Perhaps it feels too risky, like…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[9],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-188","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-kink-philosophy"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/yourgoddesspandora.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/188","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/yourgoddesspandora.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/yourgoddesspandora.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yourgoddesspandora.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yourgoddesspandora.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=188"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/yourgoddesspandora.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/188\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":189,"href":"https:\/\/yourgoddesspandora.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/188\/revisions\/189"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/yourgoddesspandora.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=188"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yourgoddesspandora.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=188"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yourgoddesspandora.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=188"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}