I love a certain type of horror film.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ready or Not<\/em> with its goofy humor, feminist power, and intense trapped terror. The Invisible Man <\/em>with its deep, scary resonance to women\u2019s real, lived experiences (despite being also speculative fiction).<\/p>\n\n\n\n I eat them up. I re-watch them. I let my heart rate spike and spike again for them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n And then there\u2019s horror I simply cannot handle. Cannibalism and body dissections. Hospitals and torture sequences.<\/p>\n\n\n\n My brain and body revolt. I cannot watch them. They are too much.<\/p>\n\n\n\n On the other side of the coin, I have friends who cannot watch anything that teeters too close to reality (which all of my favorites do). They would rather watch an alien burst from someone\u2019s chest than spend two hours suffering alongside a woman being stalked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Intellectually, I get it\u2014even though I\u2019m the opposite.<\/p>\n\n\n\n So, why am I talking about this in a kink essay? Because I\u2019ve been thinking about how words like cruel<\/em>, harsh<\/em>, or mean<\/em> in D\/s spaces are a bit like the word scary<\/em> in horror films.<\/p>\n\n\n\n What scares me, doesn\u2019t scare you. And vice versa.<\/p>\n\n\n\n And I want subs to understand that when you start exploring a dynamic with a new domme, this is the reality you\u2019re going to have to explore.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Someone can call themselves a mean domme; subs can refer to them as mean; they can say they love being mean. And you can still end up not finding it mean enough<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n On the flip side, there times when I don\u2019t think I\u2019m being mean\u2014and men IRL use words like aggressive, mean, scary, or they simply spin out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n When I explore with a new person who wants humiliation, cruelty, mean teasing, etc., I start out playing with a lot of different ideas to see what really hits. Sometimes, things don\u2019t, and I get \u201cyou can be meaner.\u201d Sometimes, things hit too hard, and I get a safe word in the first few minutes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Because cruel<\/em> is in the eye of the beholder. As is kind<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n One of my subs told me I was nice to him\u2014when I frequently make him humiliate himself for me. Another hit his safe word when I tried to do something the first wouldn\u2019t blink at.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Most of y\u2019all seem to love a \u201cgood boy,\u201d but for a certain type of person, that\u2019s mean and degrading in a bad way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Some of y\u2019all want to be treated as machines. Others still want human connection even as we ask you to oink like a piggy or kiss the floor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Some think they have no limits\u2014when really what they didn\u2019t have was imagination.<\/p>\n\n\n\n There\u2019s often an expectation in this space that the moment you enter into a dynamic, the domme will be exactly perfectly attuned to you and your needs\u2014the exact type of mean you are looking for! But the truth is there are a thousand types of horror films and a thousand types of mean. <\/strong>And it\u2019s ok to need time for you and your domme to sync up. It\u2019s also okay to explore with someone a bit and realize their version of mean isn\u2019t the version you were looking for.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Much like dating, this space requires some trial and error\u2014and an understanding that terms like \u201cmean,\u201d \u201cscary,\u201d or even \u201csoft\u201d don\u2019t mean the same things to everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Now, take a deep breath and recognize that this is a journey<\/em>. If you are lucky enough to find your dream domme on your first attempt and all the first things she tests on you work perfectly, congrats! But if you were looking for Ready or Not<\/em> and you got Alien<\/em> instead? It\u2019s alright to step away and keep looking. It doesn\u2019t mean she is or isn\u2019t mean or cruel or harsh or soft. It simply means you didn\u2019t sync or that your versions of those words weren\u2019t aligned.<\/p>\n\n\n\n And that\u2019s ok.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I love a certain type of horror film. Ready or Not with its goofy humor, feminist power, and intense trapped terror. The Invisible Man with…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[9],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-184","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-kink-philosophy"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/yourgoddesspandora.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/184","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/yourgoddesspandora.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/yourgoddesspandora.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yourgoddesspandora.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yourgoddesspandora.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=184"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/yourgoddesspandora.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/184\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":185,"href":"https:\/\/yourgoddesspandora.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/184\/revisions\/185"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/yourgoddesspandora.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=184"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yourgoddesspandora.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=184"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yourgoddesspandora.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=184"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}